Thursday, January 12, 2012

One of my new fav artists


Solange has to be one of the most underrated artists, she has a beautiful voice but is often out shined by her sister Beyonce' in the mainstream music world. What people fail to realize is that she has a completely different approach to music and style. She's not intentionally trying to be different, then again I didn't personally ask her, but its refreshing how she differs from the norm and isn't pushy about it. I love her!

Currently stuck on this song

I looovee this girl's style. This song is dope and that HAIR! 

The Middle Guy



Lately I've been struggling with the idea that everyone has that one person that they like that turns them into a blubbering fool and that guy that likes you but you politely shoe away because he don't fulfill all of the qualities on the checklist. And then there are those guys that fall in between... the ones you don't like but keep around and give them a smidge of hope because even though you don't like them they way they like you because secretly you like the attention. Unfortunately I cant completely be an ass to these types because I always seem to find a quality that makes me want to be friends with them... and slowly I begin to appreciate them as a part of my life and/or schedule. Sometimes the conditions become worse and we start TALKING! And by talking... I mean talkin talkin. Everybody should know what talkin talkin means but if not...
 Talkin Talkin: When two people take a questionable path between friendship and relationship status without labeling the engagement of conversation. 
Ex: "I thought they were just friends, but I think they talkin."
"Like talkin talkin?"

But that's a NO NO!

How to know you're starting to give in to this guy:

*You allow him to text you and actually text back  (he got your number from work, or some other creepy not-you source) 
*Your replies have more characters than a tweet
*Your phony ha-ha laughs at his slick flirty comments become girly giggles
*You actually send a pic when he says "I need a contact picture for when I text you"
*When your girls ask you why you are talking to him you say stupid shit like "he's sweet"

If you find yourself in this situation and want out use the following steps:
*The fake boyfriend- often this does not work, a guy that you've unintentionally led on this far will be hurt but will not care about competition
*The broken phone- "Oh I didn't get your call my phone has been actin up lately" 
*Claim random homo sexuality- "I'm gay now sorry" to add emphasis ask your best friend to play along 
*Move to Bosnia- you don't really have to move but if you only know him through social media or something its easy to act like you are no longer accessible
*Act like you have several children- no guy wants extra responsibility so put like 3 car seats in your car, tag photos of your nieces, nephews, cousins, little brothers with suggestive captions like "aww look at my baby" on Facebook 


If none of these work and this guy still cant get enough of your homosexual, broke phone having, baby-daddy drama, five kid toting ass try this:


Monday, January 9, 2012

Charlie's Angels' Substitute Black Girl

Okay so recently I was watching Charlie's Angels and one of my friends was commenting on how there was no black girl in the 2000 version of the movie (the one with Cameron Diaz, Lucy Lui and Drew Barrymore) So i had to disagree, in these situations where movie writers don't cast a black girl for these roles I think a substitute is in order... and in this case, that substitute became Drew Berrymore. Yep i said it. And this is why...

The Hair



The curly unruly tendrils Drew rocked were the equivalent to the natural looked that would be expected from the token black girl of the movie. 

The Swag
The sista in the movie always provides comic relief or some sort of attitude that shows a well rounded dynamic. Drew's Zany, energetic character became the equivalent to the black chick's "Oh no you Dit enn"




The Outfits
   
The chosen black girl is always dressed conservatively for two reasons: because she can't outshine the main character and because she has more curves than the other girls and would be portrayed as slutty if she wore the same tight, revealing outfits. If you see, in these pictures Drew is way more covered up than the other two and in the third picture, she's wearing purple!Black women are ALWAYS either covered up or dressed in purple in movies...

See! 
           
               The cancelled 2011 Charlie's Angels 
                            
                           Jose and the Pussycat Dolls

Hilarious

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Guidelines to a Happy Juke

So I went to the club the other night and I have to vent on my experiences... My night was mostly comprised of being pulled on by drunken guys and girls that either cant dance or dance wildly to make up for thier lack of dancing skills... oh and lets not forget the couples (or couples for the night) I spotted TONGUING THE FCK DOWN in the middle of the dance floor
... like wtf? Get in a corner or something youre interrupting my dance space! But most of all I feel I need to address the differences in the way white and hispanic guys respond to juking. So I've come up with a fool proof way in which guys of all cultures may delve into the sacred form of dance known as juking and leave the situation satisfied and unharmed. One  45 second juke rule, a rule in which only black males seem to be familiar with. But in order to be able to understand the 45 second juke rule you must first understand juking...
Juking: a combination of a girl grinding and popping against a males "smooth parts" in a form of dance for a minimum of 45 seconds... (time spent juking after the 30 seconds will determine the likelihood of obtaining a phone number) If she dances for any less then 45 seconds she was just being nice and never intended on dancing with you. If she dances for any more than 45 seconds or dances with you repeatedly, there is an 80% chance that you will be either leaving with her or at least her number.


Things Not To Do
*Do not push a girl's head down while juking! (This will get you beat up in an alley)
*Do not pull a girl's hair while juking (this will get you punched in the throat)
*Do not pull or try to force a girl to dance with you
*Do not send your friend to ask a girl to dance with you (its lame)
*After enjoying a juke with one girl Do Not follow her around so you can dance with her for EVERY song NOT COOL
*Do not hold a girl by the shoulders while juking (I've seen this done it looks awkward as hell)

**Oh and Try not to look like someone's father when you go clubbing**

Now,  the fundamental rule comes in after the juking has ceased... "how will I know the juke is over?"
If a girl begins to shift from grinding to popping and you sense a growing separation of ass and groin or she continues to dance without you for more than 10 seconds the juke has officially ended. So leave it alone and find another dance partner. There it is... the secret that separates us all.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Shitty hood pickup lines = lowered standards of women

Yesterday at work it happened the same as always. Some guys came in all of them extensively sloppy looking and dingy. And of course the dirtiest of them all approaches me "What yo name is" "Write down my numba" "take down my numba" the usual. In a culture where there used to be so many methods of wooing how did we digress to such caveman demands and grunts of "aye lil mama." Its almost an insult to me that guys think any girl would respond to these comments. Which makes me think... wait... some girl somewhere probably LOVES this kid. Some girl somewhere probably CRIES over him. Which is sad to say the least but its a harsh reality check that the standards that women set are the rules by which men abide to. Which means, if we didn't settle for these cute job-less, ambition-less, man-whores and held out for a guy with the whole package, then there would be more of a selection of good dudes and all the Jodys (Baby Boy reference) would have fierce competition. Because think about it. If all girls responded as I did to these lame attempts, guys would catch on and be like "aw man i gotta step my game up I'm not gettin no ass" and he would, and because he would, maybe some of his friends would, and so on and so on... So you see its a vicious cycle in which girls dream about the perfect guy, but live in an area or are surrounded by assholes and/or man-whores and end up settling for him instead because "he gotta car "or he "got money" or "he fine azell" Stop it. Theres more out there than a cute Jody that has a car but no long term goals.