The Middle Guy

Lately I've been struggling with the idea that everyone has that one person that they like that turns them into a blubbering fool and that guy that likes you but you politely shoe away because he don't fulfill all of the qualities on the checklist. And then there are those guys that fall in between... the ones you don't like but keep around and give them a smidge of hope because even though you don't like them they way they like you because secretly you like the attention. Unfortunately I cant completely be an ass to these types because I always seem to find a quality that makes me want to be friends with them... and slowly I begin to appreciate them as a part of my life and/or schedule. Sometimes the conditions become worse and we start TALKING! And by talking... I mean talkin talkin. Everybody should know what talkin talkin means but if not...

 Talkin Talkin: When two people take a questionable path between friendship and relationship status without labeling the engagement of conversation. 

Ex: "I thought they were just friends, but I think they talkin."

"Like talkin talkin?"

But that's a NO NO!

How to know you're starting to give in to this guy:

*You allow him to text you and actually text back  (he got your number from work, or some other creepy not-you source) 

*Your replies have more characters than a tweet

*Your phony ha-ha laughs at his slick flirty comments become girly giggles

*You actually send a pic when he says "I need a contact picture for when I text you"

*When your girls ask you why you are talking to him you say stupid shit like "he's sweet"

If you find yourself in this situation and want out use the following steps:

*The fake boyfriend- often this does not work, a guy that you've unintentionally led on this far will be hurt but will not care about competition

*The broken phone- "Oh I didn't get your call my phone has been actin up lately" 

*Claim random homo sexuality- "I'm gay now sorry" to add emphasis ask your best friend to play along 

*Move to Bosnia- you don't really have to move but if you only know him through social media or something its easy to act like you are no longer accessible

*Act like you have several children- no guy wants extra responsibility so put like 3 car seats in your car, tag photos of your nieces, nephews, cousins, little brothers with suggestive captions like "aww look at my baby" on Facebook 

If none of these work and this guy still cant get enough of your homosexual, broke phone having, baby-daddy drama, five kid toting ass try this:

Shitty hood pickup lines = lowered standards of women

Yesterday at work it happened the same as always. Some guys came in all of them extensively sloppy looking and dingy. And of course the dirtiest of them all approaches me "What yo name is" "Write down my numba" "take down my numba" the usual. In a culture where there used to be so many methods of wooing how did we digress to such caveman demands and grunts of "aye lil mama." Its almost an insult to me that guys think any girl would respond to these comments. Which makes me think... wait... some girl somewhere probably LOVES this kid. Some girl somewhere probably CRIES over him. Which is sad to say the least but its a harsh reality check that the standards that women set are the rules by which men abide to. Which means, if we didn't settle for these cute job-less, ambition-less, man-whores and held out for a guy with the whole package, then there would be more of a selection of good dudes and all the Jodys (Baby Boy reference) would have fierce competition. Because think about it. If all girls responded as I did to these lame attempts, guys would catch on and be like "aw man i gotta step my game up I'm not gettin no ass" and he would, and because he would, maybe some of his friends would, and so on and so on... So you see its a vicious cycle in which girls dream about the perfect guy, but live in an area or are surrounded by assholes and/or man-whores and end up settling for him instead because "he gotta car "or he "got money" or "he fine azell" Stop it. Theres more out there than a cute Jody that has a car but no long term goals.