Sunday, January 8, 2012

Guidelines to a Happy Juke

So I went to the club the other night and I have to vent on my experiences... My night was mostly comprised of being pulled on by drunken guys and girls that either cant dance or dance wildly to make up for thier lack of dancing skills... oh and lets not forget the couples (or couples for the night) I spotted TONGUING THE FCK DOWN in the middle of the dance floor
... like wtf? Get in a corner or something youre interrupting my dance space! But most of all I feel I need to address the differences in the way white and hispanic guys respond to juking. So I've come up with a fool proof way in which guys of all cultures may delve into the sacred form of dance known as juking and leave the situation satisfied and unharmed. One  45 second juke rule, a rule in which only black males seem to be familiar with. But in order to be able to understand the 45 second juke rule you must first understand juking...
Juking: a combination of a girl grinding and popping against a males "smooth parts" in a form of dance for a minimum of 45 seconds... (time spent juking after the 30 seconds will determine the likelihood of obtaining a phone number) If she dances for any less then 45 seconds she was just being nice and never intended on dancing with you. If she dances for any more than 45 seconds or dances with you repeatedly, there is an 80% chance that you will be either leaving with her or at least her number.

Things Not To Do
*Do not push a girl's head down while juking! (This will get you beat up in an alley)
*Do not pull a girl's hair while juking (this will get you punched in the throat)
*Do not pull or try to force a girl to dance with you
*Do not send your friend to ask a girl to dance with you (its lame)
*After enjoying a juke with one girl Do Not follow her around so you can dance with her for EVERY song NOT COOL
*Do not hold a girl by the shoulders while juking (I've seen this done it looks awkward as hell)

**Oh and Try not to look like someone's father when you go clubbing**

Now,  the fundamental rule comes in after the juking has ceased... "how will I know the juke is over?"
If a girl begins to shift from grinding to popping and you sense a growing separation of ass and groin or she continues to dance without you for more than 10 seconds the juke has officially ended. So leave it alone and find another dance partner. There it is... the secret that separates us all.


  1. Hey girl :) I enjoyed this post cause I can relate and I've seen this being done before too! But this list should be given to all girls and guys who go to the club seriously. lol ^^

  2. I have been a victim of a bad Juke before. A girl was grinding all up on me and I wasn't even facing her. This went on for more then 45 seconds and I was not digging it at all. I was facing the bar and this lady was shaking her tooshy all over my back. When I turned around and asked what she was doing she simply replied, "Juking!"

  3. Lol send her to my blog, Ill do a follow up on How To Juke: for girls and thanks Carla, yea I expect everyone has had the same awful experiences in clubs